It's Quiet

Now that we're all alone it seems very quiet here. I feel like I'm sitting in the middle row in the middle seat in an auditorum. The stage is darkened but the room is not. Everyone has gone home and I'm still waiting for the Final Act. Did I miss something?

I have nothing to say and a billion things to say all at the same time. Today, right now I am experiencing waves of emotions, none of which feel good to me.

I have been thinking about the deaf and hard of hearing community a lot lately. I put myself in their shoes and wonder what it's like to not hear anything. I already know. It's quiet. In fact, it's deafeningly quiet.

And yet I do nothing to change the way things are. I don't go out of the dark theatre into the blinding sunlight to invite others in. I don't even leave to be somewhere else alone.

I get cynical. I shut down. I pout. And when that doesn't ease the pain I disappear.

Do I choose to be alone or does alone choose to be with me? I don't know but alone is a lonely friend.

I did this on purpose. I shut everyone out so I could listen. So why does it hurt so much?

It is in this deafening silence that I hear. I hear what I cannot hear when I am on the phone. I hear what I cannot hear when I am checking my email. I hear what I cannot hear when I am too busy tapping out my thoughts on this screen that does nothing but hum back at me. (Remind me again, why is it that I measure my worth by what this screen tells me? Why is it that I care about this piece of plastic, metal and glass?) I hear exactly what it is I was hoping to hear by shutting everything else out.

I hear Him.

Be my friend. Accept me. Like me. Love me. Call me. Meet me for coffee. Email me. Read my letters and write me back. Think of me throughout the day for no apparent reason. Let me bless you. Let me die for you.

Do you hear Him too?

Unplugging

I enjoyed my sabbath so entirely that I am extending it for an undetermined amount of time. Maybe a day. Maybe a month. Maybe for the summer. I don't know.

I am so thoroughly enjoying sitting at the Throne of Grace that it seems I can't even keep my attention on anything else. No, there is nothing going on with my family. No, we are not in a crisis. Quite to the contrary.

This message will remain until April 12, then this blog will be private. I am not deleting this blog, I did that once and it is quite possibly the stupidest thing I have ever done because I lost a lot of memories for my children by doing that. I desire to continue blogging for my family's sake but I desire to do so privately for a while. So check back, I don't know when but I will most likely be back.

Until then, dear friends, may the Lord richly bless your life.

Bloom Anyway

At times in your life you may find yourself in a transparent place, where everyone can see your faults, failures and shortcomings...where it doesn't seem there is enough space for you to grow. Bloom anyway.Other times you may find yourself in a vulnerable place where you stand the chance of being walked over and taken advantage of. Bloom anyway.

...bloom anyway...

You may find yourself in a rocky, desolate situation without a good support system or a really good place to dig your roots in. Bloom anyway.

Eric's Wife put it very eloquently "What choice does a flower have about its location? ...Not much. As long as there is sun and water, that flower is going to bloom. No amount of complaining that the conditions aren’t perfect can in any way change the purpose of the flower. It simply has to bloom. It is important to remember that you are exactly where God needs you to be this very instant in order to do the work He has planned for you. You may not be where you want to be and the conditions may not appear perfect, but I highly recommend you ignore the forecasts and bloom anyway."

The Bible puts it even better "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." (The Message)

Sabbath

I will be taking a week off to rest and worship, pray and be. If I come to mind, please lift my family up to the One who knows every hair on our head and has purposed our every minute of every day.

An Infestation of the Green Persuasion

Last week The Reader found this note, nearly taunting him to trap this leprechaun. First we tried a trap of Lucky Charms with a ladder to the top. Evidently the little elf was able to rock the box enough to knock it over and escape. He did leave some gold covered chocolate coins though.
Next we made this trap out of an old oatmeal box with a trap door on top. For bait we used more Lucky Charms mixed with green M & M's.


No luck. It appears as though he used his hat as a stool and climbed back out of the trap. He left more gold covered chocolate coins and a trail of shimmery shamrocks that ended in the middle of the room.

The next trap we set was a shiny colander with a traditional bait and stick contraption. Again the lad escaped us but left behind some Gold Nugget bubblegum.

Our final trap was a picture of another leprechaun in a jar of Lucky Charms sprinkled with gold glitter. You see above what a mess the leprechaun made of our table, what with shiny shamrocks and shamrock stickers, gold coins of all kinds, including some golden dollars! He left a note that said "Thanks for the snacks. I'll be back next year for more fun!"

The boys made a guess on about day 3 that Dad and Mom were the leprechaun to which I protested, "I am not now, nor have I ever been a leprechaun." But they continued to play along knowing that if they proclaimed us the leprechaun the game would be over.

Can someone please tell me why I am so devoutly opposed to Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny but took this idea and ran with it?

Community Helper of the Month - The Library

Last month we took cookies to the hard working men at the street department. This month we chose the library workers. Recently our library was named a five-star library and those library employees deserve that award. I've frequented the libraries of all five cities I've lived in and this is by far the very best and the children's librarian is bar none.


Last week I checked out some books for the boys about libraries and spent some time reading them. In my opinion, the public library is the best benefit of a democratic society.

We thought star shaped cookies were very appropriate for the occasion. I love the look of royal icing, the smoothness and texture but I don't love the taste. Recently I picked up a copy of Hello, Cupcake! (at the library appropriately enough) and read their directions for a faux ganache (which Blogger is telling me is spelled wrong...big girls know how to spell heaven-in-draped-chocolate-form, can I get an amen?). You simply microwave canned frosting until it is the consistency of light whipped cream. So I thought I would try the same with cream cheese frosting to create a sort of glaze. It worked beautifully.

For the larger cookies I saved back some of the icing before melting and piped it around the outside shape. I then dusted with sanding sugar and let harden a few minutes. Then I spooned the melted icing into the middle and filled in all of the points with a spoon. I let this harden and then went back to pipe on the letters.

For the smaller cookies I just placed a cooling rack over a 9x13 and spooned melted icing over each. The Entertainer situated himself in the middle of the table and dusted each cookie with sanding sugar ever so gingerly.

I really liked the way they turned out and can't wait to try other cookie shapes with this same technique...I'm already thinking place cards for Easter dinner!

Going Through the Motions

Recently I was in a setting with several young people and any other time I would have been happy to let someone else do the talking. "Someone else" who is a better public speaker than me. "Someone else" who is more knowledgeable than me. "Someone else" whose voice doesn't get shaky and whose face doesn't turn 100 shades of red.


But "Someone else" was also waiting on someone else to speak up. To be the voice of Jesus. To correct the pc thinking and liberal teaching going on in our institutions of higher learning these days. "Someone else" was absent that day. Now, don't get me wrong, I am *NOT* "Someone else", I just noticed that "Someone else" was absent and felt He would want me to take His place.


When I said what needed to be said, an answer came back "I am a Christian too, I read the Bible, all that stuff but..."


All that stuff? What "stuff"?


Stuff is what I bring home from Target. Stuff is what I do all day to procrastinate doing my classwork. Stuff is excess. Stuff is *NOT* Jesus. Stuff is *NOT* the Bible.


Which led me to unpack this all some more. Have I just been going through the motions? I know for about 23 years of my life I did just go through the motions. I didn't know there was more. Until I met two incredible women who weren't just going through the motions. I looked at them and realized they meant what they said. They knew Someone I didn't.


It makes my eyes tighten with tears to remember that night sitting at my dear, dear friend's kitchen table and realizing - she GETS it. To her this is not a dress rehearsal, it's the actual performance. And I distinctly remember my other dear friend one late (laaaaate) night at a different kitchen table. I had comprehended the whole "actual performance" deal but I realized that night that I had never memorized the script. No one had ever told me about memorizing the script. But this friend, oh she knew the script so well. And she believed it too. She let it flow out of her mouth like sweet honey to my ears. And every. single. time. I call her, she oozes Jesus like you just wouldn't believe.


Since then I have wavered back and forth. A. Lot. I've forgotten that it is opening night with a sold out auditorium and folks, not only is this opening night but this is a one night only show. A single performance. There is an audience of One and nothing else matters. I show up for rehearsals diligently for a week or so and then something glittery and shiny catches my eye and I completely forget what it is I was practicing for. I forget my lines. I forget Who I am supposed to be performing for.


After I filled in for "Someone Else" the other day, I heard this song for the first time. I wept. Wept. It's from Matthew West called The Motions:


"This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break


At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life


I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions


No regrets
Not this time I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole

I think I’m finally feeling something

Take me all the way Take me all the way Take me all the way."


And how about you? If someone sat down at your kitchen table tonight, what would they remember 7 years later? I've sat down at a lot of kitchen tables with a lot of people. Lives change at the kitchen table. Mine did. And I am done going through the motions. "It might hurt, it's not safe but I don't care if I break."


"What if I had given EVERYTHING? Instead of going through the motions. No regrets. Not this time, I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind."