Poor Grandma, Part 2

Note: Just after I posted Poor Grandma, Part 1 I could not access, edit or otherwise even see my posts.  Mr. Steady was able to find & solve the problem for me...thank you, dear!

For Part 1, read here 

There are many modern conveniences, joys, and treats that I enjoy that "Grandma" never did.

For example, I thoroughly enjoy having a library tens of thousands of books a few blocks from my home.  I love that books are not as expensive as they once were and my boys can visit places all around the world through the stories they read.  If you've read this blog for any length of time you know how much I treasure books & reading.

I enjoy my running water, my shower, my washer & dryer - especially with all those cloth diapers, and my dishwasher.  I enjoy entertaining and hosting parties, it's fun to do something special for friends.  But do I do it because I want to bless my friends or do I do it so they will be impressed?  

"Grandma" was never able to keep in touch with so many friends and family through her computer.  "Grandma" was never able to hear sounds and songs from far away countries such as Kenya, Ireland, India, or Brazil.  Our world is so much bigger and more diverse than "Grandma"'s world ever was.  I'm so blessed to be able to email our friends in Kenya, Haiti and Norway - to see pictures of their children and to hear about their lives.

I enjoy looking at all the different and varied crafty projects available through Pinterest.  I am glad I don't have to make all of my families clothing or grow our own food.  I am glad I don't have to hitch up the horse and wagon every time I leave the house (although lately I'm thinking a horse would be more reliable!)

There is nothing inherently wrong with hosting dinner parties, painting your walls new colors or wanting your children's education to be more varied and diverse than your own.  But when we start comparing, judging, feeling discontent with our lives because of these things it just feels wrong. 

Please don't misunderstand, I am preaching to myself here - I want to serve God, love my family, love others, acknowledge my blessings, bless others - not out of the abundance of my blessings but bless others sacrificially.   I don't want to add more lists of things I must do, heaping rules and more unrealistic expectations on myself.

So because I was born for such a time as this, I will live in the moment, not pining for the past, not hoping for the future.  I will embrace the things that are useful to achieve His purposes for my life and chuck the things that bind. I will not question or judge how other people spend their time, their money, their resources.  I will not presume that because you do things differently that I am worse or you are better.  I will add beauty and peace to my life and discard misplaced expectations and appraisals.

My value is in Christ alone.  Am I pleasing Him?  Is this what He desires for me?  Is this how He desires I spend my time?  Is what I am feeling true, noble, lovely, pure....?  Dear Lord, keep my eyes focused on you & may my life and actions, decisions and words be pleasing and glorifying to You alone!

Poor Grandma, Part 1

Back when my "grandma" was raising children, she didn't know her arms were more toned than Mrs. Olsen's because they wore sleeves and didn't pin pictures of "6 Must-Do Exercises to Rid Your Arms of Flab Forever".  Nor did she have a full-length mirror (or the privacy to stand naked in front of one if she had one) to analyze just how bad her cellulite was.

And yet her husband loved her anyhow, delighted in her, and loved her faithfully until his last dying breath.

"Grandma" didn't realize there were "10 Things No New Mom Can Do Without", she thought her little stash of homemade cloth diapers and the wooden cradle that her husband made were just fine for bringing home another baby.  She didn't know she needed a Bumbo, a bouncer seat, a battery operated swing and a special bathtub.  On that note, she missed the list of "What to Pack in Your Hospital Bag" because she had homebirths and a kettle of hot water and a heap of clean towels was all she really needed.

And yet her baby's brains and bodies developed, they adored her and grew up healthy and strong.

"Grandma" didn't know there was 101 books she had to read to her children before they were six or that she had to prepackage busy bags for her younger children to play with while she educated her older children.  She didn't have to choose between 127 homeschool curricula, she just taught her children what she knew, how to read and write, how to add numbers, how plants grew, she taught the girls how to sew, cook and clean and shooed the boys out of the house to help their dad plant fields and do carpentry work or to manage the store or shoe horses.  The list of Date Night ideas escaped her notice and since there was no time to get away with just her &  the mister they surely also missed the "12 Mother-Son Dates" and "15 Daddy-Daughter Dates".

And yet her children knew they were loved and valued, were well educated, had good manners, made good friends and grew up to support their own families.

"Grandma" never found out what the words tablescape or gourmet meant.  Until they were older her girls shared a cup and most days if they had meat to eat it was a pretty special blessing.  She didn't fret over whether her grains were soaked and sprouted, the beef was grass-fed and their Omega 3s were in proper ratio to their Omega 6s.  She didn't stage her house when her husband said it was time to move, she just packed up everything they owned that would fit in the wagon and hoped the next person who found their cabin & made it home would appreciate the sturdiness of the bed.

And yet her family was well-fed and healthy, close-knit and called their mother "blessed".

"Grandma" never knew her rooms would seem bigger or her ceilings higher if she painted the walls a certain color.  She never knew her picture frames had to be hung a certain number of inches above her furniture or in odd numbers.

And yet her home always felt cozy, there was always warmth in the fireplace, and memories to savor.

"Grandma" never hosted grand tea parties for 12, made elaborate party favors for birthday parties, made seating charts for dinner parties or put mints on her overnight guests' pillows.

And yet her neighbors always knew they could stop in for a cup of tea, her friends always asked for her simple recipes, her church knew they could count on her to donate homemade pies, and her extended family didn't hesitate to spend the night when the weather was too bad to ride home.

Poor Grandma, she didn't know just how much of a mess she was.  She had no idea of her BMI or ideal weight, she didn't know how ill-prepared of a mom she was, she was unaware of how her children stacked up against other children in the state or country, she was incognizant about how simple and uninspiring her meals were, she was clueless about how unglamorous her home furnishings were, and she was simply oblivious to her entertaining faux pas.  And gloriously blissful in her ignorance.

As I talk to other ladies about their feelings of inadequacy, dissatisfaction with their lives, their marriages, their bodies, their houses, their children....their very purpose in life, I can't help but think of all the things "Grandma" missed out on. I am chief among the complainers.  I compare and covet.  I analyze and ache.  It's all just too much.  I agonize over comments made on Facebook, the lack of blog readers, I Pin every possible idea to help me feed, entertain, spend quality time with, impart value to my family.  I check out 10 books on the GAPS diet and vitamin deficiency along with 6 books on how to impart blessings to my family and make sure my children stay in church, and on top of that stack I add a few books on the proper colors for my home and the newest designs in home decor.  Many of these things are good things to think about, the food we feed our children, the coziness of our homes, the pleasures in life are not sins and may in fact be noble.  But the comparison game, the constant discontentment is just too much.  A little voice in my head screams "Enough!"  I want off of this ride of comparisons and inadequacy. 

And yet, I know that God put me here for such a time as this.  But He also calls me to come out and be separate.  Not to look like the world, to put my treasure in things not of this world, to find my value in Him, to let Him be God and be His servant.

(All pictures taken by Mr. Steady or myself at Sauder Village)

Another Travel Tip

I shared my vast and  profound {cough, snort, guffaw} traveling-with-small-children knowledge back in the fall. 

This past weekend I accidentally found another great tip and thought I'd share it with you.  We had the privilege to attend a home school convention on the other side of our state and The Reader had prepared a list of the states prior to leaving so he could play the License Plate game.  Problem was....he left the list at home.

I pulled out my daily planning calendar, which has maps of the country and world in the back of it, and handed it back to The Reader.  He put a check in a state every time he saw a license plate from that state....AND he worked on his geography and state location at the same time.  Double win.

No more lists for us - I'll bring copies of the map of the U.S. from now on.