Bar Barakah means “Son of the
Blessing”. Many traditions and cultures
have a rite of passage; some at a certain age, others at a point of maturation
determined by the parents. Boys need to
be called into manhood and girls need to be called into womanhood. Jesus received a blessing from his Heavenly
Father in the gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke, after Jesus was baptized and
the Holy Spirit descended on Him, God said, “This is my son, in whom I am well
pleased.” Men, especially young men,
long to hear their earthly fathers say, “I love you, I’m proud of you, I’m
pleased with you”.
Do you remember the particular
moment when you knew you were a woman or a man?
How about when you were married…could you point to the day you became
married? Of course we can – it’s the day
of our wedding and most of us know the approximate time, when the minister declared
us husband and wife. Craig S. Hill
likens a Bar Barakah to a wedding in the sense that it is an opportunity for a
father to say, in the presence of family and friends, “Today, Son, you are a man”. Of course, all of this also applies to young
girls…my husband and I just happen to have had three sons first before we had a
daughter.
Several years ago an Internet
friend mentioned her son’s Bar Barakah.
I asked her about this and she explained to me that it was the Christian
equivalent to a Jewish Bar Mitzvah. I
was familiar with the term, Bar Mitzvah, I knew it was a rite of passage but
beyond that I wasn’t too sure what was involved. My friend said they had read a book by Craig S.
Hill titled “Bar Barakah” and I immediately ordered it and read it.
About a
year ago my husband, Dan, and I started discussing this idea and we knew we
wanted to do something special for Ashton, our oldest son’s 13
th
birthday.
Approximately six months
before his birthday we started really praying about what to do and who to
involve.
My husband already owned a book
called,
“Disciplines
of a Godly Man” by R. Kent Hughes so he and Ashton started meeting on
Wednesday nights, after dinner, and reading through this book.
We explained the idea behind the Bar Barakah
and Ashton got very interested and involved.
Through
our studying we realized men who are very successful in life surround
themselves with other successful people.
We wanted to choose mentors for Ashton in very specific areas. We chose the areas of relationships, finance,
work ethics, chivalry, and ministry.
Then we spent time praying and asking God to show us men whom Ashton
already had some connection with who were strong in these areas. God was very gracious and soon we had a
list. Dan contacted each of the men and
gave them time to also pray about this.
We knew we were asking for a big commitment, to meet with Ashton on a
regular and ongoing basis, and to mentor him in a specific area. We received affirmation from each of the men
God laid on our hearts. These men became
known as his Council.
The Bar
Barakah is the blessing but Hill suggests parents make as big a deal of this as
a graduation or a wedding. Children need
to know that you value this time and you are willing to make an investment for
them. Dan thought it was important for
Ashton to be very involved in the planning so that he knows what party planning
entails. When they met on Wednesday
nights they began to discuss details.
Ashton chose one of our ministers to officiate the ceremony alongside
Dan, colors, the menu, venue, helped design invitations, made the guest list,
and helped make many other decisions.
We
ordered our invitations from
Tiny Prints and we were quite thrilled with their quality
and service.
The guest list was to be intimate,
the five men who were invited to be part of Ashton’s council and their wives,
our ministers and their wives, his Sunday school teacher and her husband,
grandparents and his closest friends and their families. We ended up having some additional 11th
hour guests that I was absolutely thrilled to share in our day.
I have
to be honest at this point and say that, as the mom, I felt kind of left out in
the planning...which is kind of the point, that the son leaves the wing and
safety of his mother and steps into the world of manhood.
So along the way I spent a lot of time in
prayer and made a prayer garland as a decoration.
And I hired our most favorite photographer,
Belle Hess, because I
didn’t want to miss a moment of the ceremony and I knew I’d want this day
captured on film.
Nearly all of the
pictures shared here are her fantastic work!
Ashton
wrote beautiful, scriptural commitments in several areas including serving
Jesus, submission to authority, purity and others. Our minister asked Dan and I to confirm
similar commitments.
Each family was asked to bring a
scripture, blessing or word of encouragement to share with Ashton. The chairs were set up in a semi-circle while
Dan and Ashton went to each man and Dan asked, “Will you accept my son as an
equal?” When the man answered to the
affirmative, Dan asked if he had anything he would like to share. Each man shared heartfelt words, some were
eloquent, others were short and concise, but they were all important.
Then Dan asked the women and
children to stand on one side of the path and the men to stand on the other
side.
At this point I prayed over Ashton
and released him into manhood, while Dan and the other men called Ashton forth
into manhood.
Ashton knelt and all the
men laid hands on him and prayed special blessings over him.
Dan and I then presented Ashton
with special gifts, an Armor of God coin printed with Ephesians 6:13-17 on it
and a wristwatch.
After the ceremony we served
chocolate fondue with strawberries, Oreos, and marshmallows, summer sausage,
cheese and crackers,
mocha punch and iced sweet tea.
It was a very special day and I
believe Ashton felt loved, special, and blessed.
So what now?
Ashton continues to meet with his Council on a semi-regular basis.
We gave each man full discretion to do what
he sees fit, whether that means reading a book and discussing it, working in
the workshop, or going out for a mocha latte and chatting about life.
Dan and Ashton continue to meet every
Wednesday night and are continuing to work through “Disciplines of a Godly
Man”.
Ashton’s Bar Barakah also
influenced his homeschooling curriculum this year as he is reading a lot of
biographies about great men and other great books for men.
If this is something you think
you’d like to learn more about, let me share some more thoughts and
resources! First of all, there is no one
“right age” to have a Bar/Bat Barakah.
Some sources suggested an age range of 12-18. One source suggested paying attention to when
the child is showing interest in the opposite sex: paying more attention to
personal grooming, showing physical signs of puberty, etc. We wanted to be very proactive and we know at
some point Ashton will want to seek out advice from people outside of his
family. We wanted to surround him with
those people and foster relationships that we hope he will lean on when that
time comes, hence his Council.
Some books that we highly
recommend:
There are lots of great books out there in this area right now, I would
love to hear about other ones that you have read and loved! The Internet is, of course, a great resource
and we gleaned from blogs and website about how others have conducted their
son’s ceremonies.
In the end, the most important thing that a parent can do is impart a
blessing to their child. I believe this
with every fiber of my being. It can be
a special day with a special ceremony and all of your child’s special loved
ones, or it can be in an intimate moment but don’t miss the opportunity to pour
a blessing out on your child and say “You are my child in whom I am well
pleased.”
