It's Quiet

Now that we're all alone it seems very quiet here. I feel like I'm sitting in the middle row in the middle seat in an auditorum. The stage is darkened but the room is not. Everyone has gone home and I'm still waiting for the Final Act. Did I miss something?

I have nothing to say and a billion things to say all at the same time. Today, right now I am experiencing waves of emotions, none of which feel good to me.

I have been thinking about the deaf and hard of hearing community a lot lately. I put myself in their shoes and wonder what it's like to not hear anything. I already know. It's quiet. In fact, it's deafeningly quiet.

And yet I do nothing to change the way things are. I don't go out of the dark theatre into the blinding sunlight to invite others in. I don't even leave to be somewhere else alone.

I get cynical. I shut down. I pout. And when that doesn't ease the pain I disappear.

Do I choose to be alone or does alone choose to be with me? I don't know but alone is a lonely friend.

I did this on purpose. I shut everyone out so I could listen. So why does it hurt so much?

It is in this deafening silence that I hear. I hear what I cannot hear when I am on the phone. I hear what I cannot hear when I am checking my email. I hear what I cannot hear when I am too busy tapping out my thoughts on this screen that does nothing but hum back at me. (Remind me again, why is it that I measure my worth by what this screen tells me? Why is it that I care about this piece of plastic, metal and glass?) I hear exactly what it is I was hoping to hear by shutting everything else out.

I hear Him.

Be my friend. Accept me. Like me. Love me. Call me. Meet me for coffee. Email me. Read my letters and write me back. Think of me throughout the day for no apparent reason. Let me bless you. Let me die for you.

Do you hear Him too?

Unplugging

I enjoyed my sabbath so entirely that I am extending it for an undetermined amount of time. Maybe a day. Maybe a month. Maybe for the summer. I don't know.

I am so thoroughly enjoying sitting at the Throne of Grace that it seems I can't even keep my attention on anything else. No, there is nothing going on with my family. No, we are not in a crisis. Quite to the contrary.

This message will remain until April 12, then this blog will be private. I am not deleting this blog, I did that once and it is quite possibly the stupidest thing I have ever done because I lost a lot of memories for my children by doing that. I desire to continue blogging for my family's sake but I desire to do so privately for a while. So check back, I don't know when but I will most likely be back.

Until then, dear friends, may the Lord richly bless your life.

Bloom Anyway

At times in your life you may find yourself in a transparent place, where everyone can see your faults, failures and shortcomings...where it doesn't seem there is enough space for you to grow. Bloom anyway.Other times you may find yourself in a vulnerable place where you stand the chance of being walked over and taken advantage of. Bloom anyway.

...bloom anyway...

You may find yourself in a rocky, desolate situation without a good support system or a really good place to dig your roots in. Bloom anyway.

Eric's Wife put it very eloquently "What choice does a flower have about its location? ...Not much. As long as there is sun and water, that flower is going to bloom. No amount of complaining that the conditions aren’t perfect can in any way change the purpose of the flower. It simply has to bloom. It is important to remember that you are exactly where God needs you to be this very instant in order to do the work He has planned for you. You may not be where you want to be and the conditions may not appear perfect, but I highly recommend you ignore the forecasts and bloom anyway."

The Bible puts it even better "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." (The Message)